Hi, somsom. This is type 1 Kelly. I’m feeling so down and down right now. It’s a day heading for the bottom of the rollercoaster. It’s very shatty, annoying, and crude. I’m at a loss and want to kill myself (although I can’t do it because I’m going to hell when I kill myself). I’m feeling down, so I’m trying to figure out how to deal with things like this.
In fact, Kelly’s life has been turbulent, so there have been more than a few crises. Because of her bipolar nature, when she’s present, her mood and condition are really tough. My old remedy at this time was to be comforted by seeing herself in a better situation than mine, but it doesn’t seem like a very good one either. Even if I was comforted for a moment while doing so, I thought, “Oh, what am I doing?” It’s no different from feeling superior to people in a worse situation than me.
The good way to do this is, don’t watch negative news. But Kelly has already watched a lot of negative news. The sacred space in her head has been invaded. But she’ll wash it again. Yay. News is just news, and it doesn’t have much to do with my frequency and the universe. Kelly believes in parallel universe theory. I need to put that square phone away, too. How much time and attention it takes to me. Kelly loves nature, so I’ll clean up my phone, take a look at it again, and love it.
And when you write or verbalize it like this, it makes you feel so much better. It’s the effects of self-exposure. Kelly is also feeling better just by writing now. In the past, when I wanted to die after divorcing him, I raced him out in writing, called the suicide prevention center and expressed my feelings over the phone. Then I told him I was told it was because of the illness, because of the bipolar disorder. Anyway, at the time, I was very comforted by the fact that someone was listening to me.
And because Kelly is precious, she proactively asked for help from those around her. The mental health center of my institution also knocked on the door and got counseling. I was working at the time, so I was consulted about twice or so and showed the confidence to destroy my personal information because it wasn’t serious.
At the bottom of my life was when I divorced him and was groaning in a studio apartment by myself, which was so difficult that whenever I saw a hallway apartment, I wondered which floor to jump from. I was scared that I never put it into action. But I even thought about what if someone saw me in the eye when I jumped.
There should be no such thing as “N!E!V!E!R!” Suicide shouldn’t happen. But after all I’ve experienced it, I understand the urge so much. — “N!E!V!E!R!” You can’t. Our lives are so precious that they should not happen. What a miracle and treasure I am, why would I die? I will live a proud, happy and wonderful life. As long as you don’t harm others, you deserve to be blessed and praised for just breathing.
If you’re depressed and feeling down, let’s try different ways to distract your depressed thoughts and pay attention again! There are many different ways. Writing, speaking, listening to music, taking a walk, observing something else, changing your senses to something else, etc. I need to be free from that square phone box. I’m so tired. Today’s method was writing! Thank you for reading again today 🙂